Do we ever stop worrying about our kids?
I am always worrying! I want my kids to be happy and successful. But what does that mean? Tobyn is really small and I am always worrying that he gets picked on, that he can't do what other kids his age can do and that he passes just under the radar and doesn't get noticed for his achievements. At his school they get certificates in assemblies, Tobyn hasn't got a certificate since the 2nd term LAST year. He isn't a bad kid, he doesn't do naughty things but he also doesn't do fantastically. He is very smart but he only does just enough to get by. I don't know how to incourage him to work harder. He isn't physical AT ALL, but he does try hard, yet he gets treated like a 6 year old. He is playing cricket over the summer and has been put in the youngest team with the 5, 6 and 7 year olds......he is 9! I worry that this will only make him think it is OK to be immature. How will he learn to behave his age if he keeps getting treated like he is youn ger than he actually is/
This now brings me to Isaac. Isaac was 2 months prem and weighed only 998gms. He is monitored by the paediatrician and the developmental therapist. We also get the PAFT (parents as first teachers) teacher in every month. Yesterday he had his 2 year old check with his PAFT teacher. She is really impresed with him, she thinks he is very highly intelligent (though can you tell that at such an early age?) anyway, he passed the 2 year old mile stones with flying colours on her chart. His language is that of a 3 year old, his physical ability is well developed and his cognitive skills match for a 2 year old. Makes a Mum feel good and very proud. Then today I took him for his 2 year old developmental check......I came away feeling unsure of his development. He was very shy, did the quiet talking, rocking his feet onto the side of his shoes (which I have not seen him do before0 and wasn't very focused. He started off with the tests really well. He built a tower of 8 blocks when they only expect them to do 6, he put a series of small cylindrical blocks into there holes in very quick time and it seemed to go down hill. She wanted him to point at objects in a book, he would look at the object but not point. She had a baby doll without any clothes on and wanted him to comb the babies hair, he didn't want anything to do with the naked baby, kept pushing it away. She had a puzzle with a circle, square and triangle, he got the circle in no problem, but couldn't put the others in the right hole. But he did really well with matching colours. She started with 3 colours to match to 3 coloured circles, no problem, then she had 5 colours and he had to match them. He started off by putting the red no the black and then got all the others right, when it came to the black circle he knew to move the red one and put the black one in the right place. He di very well physically, great walking and running, climbing and kicking. I am not qualified to know what the outcome is but I am worried...I WANT to know NOW. She showed some concern that he wasn't concentrating very well. He had his own agenda at times. But I guess he isn't quite 2. He could still need his age adjusting, I know there is research that says that can be up to 5. He didn't do some things there that he can do at home. I hope we get the results soon so I can stop being a WORRYWART!!!
I love my boys so much and just want the best for them. I see so much potential and I want others to see that as well. There young lives go by so fast and I hope that we are guiding them in the right direction.
About Me
- Yvette
- I am a woman with 5 males in the house. OK so 2 of those are of the feline variety but hey its still too much testosterone. I love my boys!!! And I am very proud of them all. I am LOVING scrapbooking because I love telling our stories with a creative bent. And if your looking at Tobyns blog then disregard all the stuff about the woman and boys! Tobyn is a 9 year old boy who loves all things mythical and magic!
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5 comments:
I have a tendency to worry a lot too, but I've made a real effort in the past year or so to stop doing it, because it doesn't help! I do know what you mean though, and I understand that you are only concerned about your boys and wanting the best for them. But I truly believe that there will always be SOMETHING that we could worry about when it comes to our kids. No child is perfect so there are always going to be areas that might need some work. And I also struggle with accepting that my boys may not be very good at some things. Ethan, for example, can't swim at all and doesn't show any interest in learning. I wish he would, but he's just not into it. He loves the beach, and will play in the shallow water for hours, but if we try and take him out deeper, he cries and clings onto us and doesn't even TRY to float or anything. But he's doing well in other areas, so I have to just tell myself he's not ready yet, or he's got other abilities and interests. It's hard though, because I want him to be able to swim. I know it's a different example to what you are talking about, but really it's the same! It's something he struggles with that I think is important, and want him to do better at.
Anyway, I think you just have to remind yourself that you're a great mum, and doing a wonderful job! Look at the close and loving bond your boys have! Not all brothers get along so well. It's a credit to you that they are so caring and kind to each other. And I'm sure that Isaac is fine with his development, 2-year-olds don't always want to co-operate with tests especially when it's a strange person asking them to do things they may not feel like doing! I think 3 is a better age to assess that kind of thing, as it's been shown they are more independent and able to play with others more, which has an impact on their development.
It's natural to worry, but remember that worrying isn't going to change it. It's hard not to worry though, I do understand!
Worrying - it's what mothers do best! I think Hannah has covered off most of what I was going to say ;o) The test thing with Isaac - it sounds like he's doing great! I don't think my 3yr old would co-operate with doing all that. The other thing I'm learning is to speak up for your kids. If you don't - nobody will. Maybe the teacher needs to know he hasn't received a certificate for ages - I'm sure the teacher can think of something to encourage him in. Talk to the cricket coach too and let them know he is 9 and you want him in a team with his peers. I find that sort of thing really hard to do - but our kids are worth it!
I think Hannah and Bev covered most things I would say. As a mother I think I'll never stop to worry but I've learned that I need to trust my kid. Especially now that he's 17 and really growing into this amazing young man...
Trust that the values I implanted have taken firm hold, trust that our love and faith have been good enough, trust in my son for he's an amazing person. Trust that he will call if he needs us. And I must say it's been such an eye opener for me to see him flourish into this wonderful young man.
Like your son he's smart , but was never one to push himself. Used to drive me a bit mad at times until I realized in that there lie some hidden blessings too. He dances to his own drum. Gages what the other dances might need and then decides how much effort he puts into what...
And as to Isaacs test, I reckon he did extremely well, it's well known that those 'test situations' with strangers are not easy on kids and for some kids they are worse than others. So the results are no true reflection of ability.
Hello my friend! I just wanted to say that I think you are an amazing mother with 2 very awesome little boys. And...they are both very intelligent and unique and I think you and Steve both do a great job of encouraging their individuality. Knowing they have your love and support will be some of the best tools they have as they make their way in the world!!!
What Beverly said .... and I agree that you're doing a great job
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